Ever had it where half way through a conversation with someone you begin to ponder the origin of the conversation? I shall give you an example :
Son : Mom, do you think if we do something nice you could pay us?
Mom : (whilst concentrating on driving and brain suddenly in over drive) Err, well – I am not so sure on that. I don’t think you should pay someone to be nice – we should do kind things for people because we want to not because we will get money for it.
Son : Yes, but if we do something nice?
Mom : Are you meaning like pocket money? (where on earth is this coming from?!?!?!)
Son : No
Mom : Ok, well, I am not comfortable with paying someone to be nice. Would you like it if you found out your friends were only being nice to you because someone was giving them money to be nice?
Son : No – I wouldn’t
Mom : But I think you may be right about starting to get pocket money. I’ll chat to Dad and see what he says. (brain trying to figure out amount). I think possibly 50 pence per week but will need to check with Dad.
Son : Ok – I think 20 pence is enough
Mom : Are you sure you want 20 pence? It is a lot less than 50 pence!
Son : Yes, I am sure. Oh and if you chat to Dad and he doesn’t think it’s a good idea – that’s also fine with me.
Mom : Ok – I’ll chat with Dad. What made you ask about the money?
Son : Oh, I was watching Charlie and Lola and Lola emptied her piggy bank to give her money to Charlie to help him buy something and Charlie said that was very nice of her to help him.
Mom : (bring on the pangs of guilt! should have asked the question up front!)
I love the maturity in the responses to how much potential pocket money and that if it was a no from dad that he would have been fine with it! I also love when I checked that he was sure 20 pence was a lot less – he didn’t go for the larger amount.
They are talking about parental guilt on BBC Breakfast this morning and whilst they were having a discussion they were balancing a mother who is well a ‘normal’ mother and a business woman who is also a mother.
I am all for mother’s supporting one another – I have said this before but…yes the but arrived…I was completely floored when the business woman/mother put an argument forward that she feels no guilt whatsoever for having someone else look after her children and that she can work like a man or just as effectively as she doesn’t have to think about all those things that come with having children (ok the last part of the sentence I added as interpretation).
So – it got my ranty side working as my thought process was :
- That is a bit of an insult to men (and not just dad’s) that they don’t feel empathy or are completely heartless.
- Most Men / dad’s also like to spend time with their kids /family and carry an enormous sense of empathy,longing to be with their loved ones, whilst at work.
- If feeling guilt ‘creates a glass ceiling’ for working parents – well then this world is turning into some cold place
- She also gave an example of when she went to her own children and said that she had a sore throat, that they turned and said ‘get a grip’ and showed no sympathy – whatsoever. Apparently she is proud of them as that is what she does to them. Erm – aren’t we supposed to show our children how to care?
- I also thought ‘well done!’ to the mom on the breakfast sofa who stood up for herself and said that she wouldn’t want to be heartless or selfish as when her children said ‘Mom – I would have loved you to have been there for my exam’ – she said she wished she could have.
I know that I loved working and having our boys and it was a tricky balancing act to keep going all the time. I think each family and parenting unit do what is best for them as a unit but I completely disagree with the fact that feeling any sense of guilt, when it comes to bringing up children, is something you don’t feel. This to me is a HUGE fib.
Sorry – rant over – I may even write another follow up on this it has made me so mad.
For those of you who had a guess on Would you let your child play with this? – here is the correct answer and full image.
Whilst on holiday, we were out walking along the sand dunes and came upon a whole lot of gorgeous shells…then some fishing line…and narrowly missed standing on an extemely sharp, new knife (not the one in the image). It was a chilling experience and seconds before I found it, the kids had walked within millimetres of it and I dread to think how the outcome would have been had they stood or fallen on it. I found a safe spot to dispose of the said knife.
The next day, once we were over that incident and had shown the kids to keep an eye out, we were back on the beach and I was putting the beach towels up when our 4 year old piped up ‘Look what I found! Another one!’ A bit confused as to what he was trying to tell me – he brought his little hand up and in it was the knife above.
This time – there was the initial chill that went through my body after the shock of making sure he hadn’t cut himself and then confusion and then pure anger! The questions racing through my mind :
- How on earth did he get his hands on it?
- How had I missed it?
- How can fishermen be so careless and selfish? (with silent swear words in amongst those I spose I should add)
- How many more knives?
And plenty more. He answered very casually that it was right next to my foot where I had stepped back to start setting the towels up. No he hadn’t touched it the sharp side.
As you can see – it must have washed up on the overnight tide as it is pretty rusty. I also think it was probably a good thing that we had shown them the one from the previous day and thankful that we hadn’t stood on it whilst jumping in the waves where we would never have seen it.
I am all for mums supporting one another and think we give each other a hard time more often than not but (yes there is a but!)…some times we honestly deserve it! Controversial statement I know but here comes an exampe that makes me feel all sorts of angry!
The other day my husband flew over to join the boys and I on our holiday. He isn’t the type to comment on things but he said that there were 2 mums that boarded his 11 hour flight with a child each who were about 8-10 years old. He couldn’t believe it when the mums left their children to sit next to each other on 2 seats and went to sit together about 20 rows behind – as in NOWHERE NEAR their children.
The one child asked for their mom on take off but the air hostess didn’t know who they were and on landing the one child was sick and a kind 20-something-year-old man, who had nothing to do with these children, helped the child.
Some may say that the mums were very clever in how they managed to get their children looked after by complete strangers. I, on the other hand, was appalled at the story! Who does that?!?!?! or am I on another planet?
It’s taken me a while to realise that we have a son who will eat almost anything (except avocados but loves olives) and a son who has a sweet tooth and doesn’t require as much food in one sitting but many larger snacks throughout the day(apparently…unless it is sweets). Our youngest son can take over an hour to eat his breakfast some days and other days he is like an F1 racer and it’s gone within 10 minutes.
The usual meal time routine is :
- Me : Come on – eat up
- Him : I’m tired
- Me : Oh dear – too tired for pudding then
- Him : No! (and has another mouthful) – I need the toilet
- Me : No you don’t – that’s just excuses
- Me : thinks to myself – I wonder if he really does and then we have an accident to clean up ..argh
- Me : Ok – go but be quick
- Him : Takes his time on the loo and finally comes back
- Me : Your brother may be excused as he finished 20 minutes ago and has patiently been waiting.
- Finally we get to the end of the meal
Sound familiar? I try and use all the tactics but…sometimes think our youngest son is perhaps someone who prefers to graze and this would be more productive. He appears to have a fast metabolism as has no extra fat on him. I also know most of his tactics because I used to use them as a child on my own mum…
So, I have tried the more snacks during the day with no real time limit and it appears to work. I now do this on the odd occasion as I also can’t have a child who doesn’t have a ‘meal routine’ for when he is in school full time and there is only a certain amount of time to eat.
I’ll be interested to see how he gets on as he grows…Do you have a child/children like this?
Over the last year or so, I have had a few discussions about how health and saftey conscious today’s parents are (myself included). When comparing now and when we were children, we wouldn’t dare do half of those fun things with our own. ..Read on